im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's blow job season.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize