I just threw up on my dentist
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
