You can't motorboat a personality
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize