He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
