pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
