The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
