Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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