It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
