so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize