I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
