chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
