The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
