There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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