Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
