dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I have fence marks all over my body
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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