I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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