This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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