You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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