I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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