So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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