he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Randomize
