I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
