i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize