How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
