I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
