You can't motorboat a personality
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
