i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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