Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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