ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
