you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
