Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
