The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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