he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
