Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
