I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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