Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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