he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
