He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
