Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize