Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
