If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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