so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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