I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize