Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
