does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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