I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
