This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
