I accidentally burped into my bong.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
