I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
