i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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