Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
