What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
