Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
