ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
