Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Someone signed my nipple.
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