Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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