I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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