I'm really into asian looking animals
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
