i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
...so i touched it.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
