I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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