Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
