I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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