so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
