Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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