remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
