Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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