I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
