True but thats because hes a fetus.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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