i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
