oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
