my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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