I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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